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Happy New Year! I hope everyone’s holidays went well and you are ready to get back into the swing of “normal” life. For some reason I still don’t feel quite over the holidays yet.. I need to take down my Christmas trees! With that said, I am ready to make a resolution for 2018… I will be better about posting on here!
I’m going to be completely open and honest with you all, I have been struggling the last month or so. I had previously made a post about depression but this is something different. Something I wasn’t prepared for and never experienced.
As I have mentioned before, Ryan and I had plans to start trying to have kids this past fall. I’m sure you don’t need (or want) all the details but I’m going to give them to you. We initially first tried to conceive the end of August. Nothing. September came and I saw a new rheumatologist. She went over my medication with me and recommended scheduling an appointment with my primary care physician for my headaches. (They have been super bad!) When I had my yearly checkup with my PCP, she agreed with the rheumatologist about wanting to wean me off a medication I had been on for a long time since it is known to cause cleft palates. It was a little scary to go off of it, I didn’t want to crash and burn without it but everything went okay. The PCP felt that I needed to get my headaches under wraps before trying to get pregnant and also getting the other medication out of my system. She put me on new medication and recommended seeing an OB-GYN. I met with a new doctor since my other one was a midwife and felt with my medical history I would need an actual physician. She okay’d moving forward with trying after I was off the medication I was weaning.We didn’t try in September or October while I went off my medication and started a new one. Mid-November we started trying again. I had downloaded 3 different pregnancy/ovulation apps on my phone. We were going to get pregnant by Christmas; we were determined.
Within a week of conceiving, I KNEW I was pregnant. You know your body and mine was different. I was fatigued, nauseous, my boobs were huge and hurt terribly. Immediately I started taking pregnancy tests to confirm it and they were all unclear. A digital test gave me a question mark… seriously?! I had been taking the tests too early so I tried to hold off until my period was expected. First week in December I ended up getting my period with some clotting.. all my symptoms disappeared within a few days. I believe I had a miscarriage.A baby is something we want SO bad, so it felt devastating. I know it is better that it happened very early but it still is hard when you are already making plans. We tried again in December and it didn’t happen.
Ryan is 36 and I am 30 and I feel so scared now that it won’t happen for us. I had been told I would be a high risk pregnancy but there shouldn’t be any issues with initially getting pregnant. Now I am questioning everything, Is it my medical issues, stress, my medication, or our age? I remember seeing the fetal maternal specialist so said once you hit 30 you are considered a “senior” mom. Well, crap!
We are trying to stay positive and said that we WILL have a baby in 2018. I ordered ovulation predictor kits and pregnancy tests from Amazon and am inputting my data religiously on the apps.
We didn’t expect it to be so hard to conceive. Quite a few friends of mine are seeing infertility specialists and I just didn’t even consider that in my mind. We plan to keep trying the first 6 months of 2018 and then we will go from there.
When first starting this blog I knew I wanted to be honest and upfront in all my posts. This website is supposed to be about our life… even the bad parts, so I felt it was important to share with you all what we have been going through. I think that miscarriage is a lot more common than we think, people just choose not to share their stories, likely because it is too painful. After talking with my friend’s sister and explaining why I had been so flaky, she shared with me that she also had a miscarriage. It’s time that we start opening up to our friends and family so that we don’t feel so alone.. so this is where I am starting.
Have any of you had an experience like this, that you are willing to share? Any suggestions on getting pregnant? A friend of mine who had issues getting pregnant and now has 2 beautiful daughters, told me to stand on my head after sex but I haven’t gone that far yet. 🙂 Let’s help one another with this stage in our lives!
PS. I have a giveaway planned for later this month and it’s a good one! Want a hint? SMILE!